marissa: wh... where am i?

jesus: you're dead.

marissa: j...j...jesus?

jesus: yes, marissa.
all of your earth life, you thought i had brown hair. but, marissa, i have white hair!

marissa: um... wow... i'm sorry i was--

jesus: i am so ashamed that you did not know me as your personal savior! cursed be you! you worshipped the WRONG JESUS!

marissa: but... but... i'm sorry, i didn't know--

jesus: NO EXCUSES! I sent down many people who knew and had the message of my true hair color!! why didn't you listen to them?!?

marissa: i... didn't... i um... cuz... all i saw were paintings--

jesus: NO EXCUSES! I hereby sentence thee to ETERNAL HELLFIRE!

marissa: but i've been a worthy follower of your teachings! i've fed the poor, clothed the naked, prayed every day, taught sunday school...

jesus: IS IT TRUE that you believed i had brown hair???

marissa: yeah, but it was the only thing i've been exposed to--

jesus: THAT MEANS NOTHING!! the truth is, i am a white-haired God, and you've been following someone with BROWN hair! you have been worshipping a false god! i am ASHAMED to even have you in my presence! BEGONE!

 

how many christians do you know use a similar argument tactic?

From holy memes and kosmic blog starters

Week 4: Gratitude

1) What are the first things that pop into your mind that you are grateful for?
My life, my thoughts, my God, my job, my home, my family, my boyfriend, my dogs, my health.

2) What are some not-so-obvious things that you are grateful for?
Pain, because it tells me something is wrong that must be fixed.

3) How have you shown your gratitude in the past 24 hours? Past week? Your life?
I say thank you at work after everything other editors do to help out my workload. I hope they can really sense how grateful I am. I tell my boyfriend how much I love and appreciate him every time we talk online – I have a feeling that once we're not long-distance, it won't be such a concerted effort. Also, with every prayer I offer, I always make sure to start out by thank him for everything first – a formula from my Mormon days that just makes sense.

4) When people show you gratitude, how do they show it to you? How would you like it to be shown?
Some are not so obvious, they may only be able to say sarcastic remarks, but could be truly genuinely grateful. I wish people were more open and direct about showing gratitude, and that includes me. I'm lucky enough to work at a place where short "good job" emails are not out of place, and occasionally I will write a note to a reporter if they wrote an article particularly well or another editor who made some good catches.

5) Do you have trouble accepting gifts and favors and showing genuine gratitude? Why or why not?
I have learned to be more gracious in receiving, because I give so much and know how satisfied it feels to have a gift received with grace. I want to perpetuate that cycle – I can't stand it when a family member says "oh don't get me anything for Christmas." Or when I give a compliment on a piece of clothing and the person says "Even though I'm too fat to wear it." I feel like my giving isn't received, so I want to be a good receiver.

i owe three of my own friday five surveys. how lame is i!

i'll probably get to them once i post week 8. too much stuff to do in real life, ya think? 

the other couple of entries i just made are posts from my other blog/magazine articles that i'm writing. enjoy. 

This is the meaning of life.

This crazy doodle holds the answer to the free will vs. fate conflict.
Of course, it’s just a meager representation of it, since I could probably make this into a 3D fractal with more branches and fancier lines and…. Well, OK, let me start from the beginning.


This little grid, this “dot matrix,” is your life, a map of all your decisions that you could possibly make. There are huge, gravitational experiences and decisions, marked as those big black dots, and there are insignificant decisions, like what you choose to eat for breakfast, marked as the little dots. There are dots that don’t go anywhere, there are dots that pull everything toward it.

Each line is a result of your decisions.

If this were a true representation, each little dot would have about a billion possible lines radiating out of it, each with varying widths. Your decision to get out of bed in the morning has virtually unlimited possibilities you can go from there. There are some that are more likely – things like brushing your teeth or taking a shower will probably be stronger, thicker lines. Hijacking a bus and driving to Venezuela is a possibility, but a very very faint one (unless this is something normal you do, in which case, put down this article, Keanu, and calm down with this nice blue pill).

In any case, the bus-hijacking escapade still shows up on the map – just barely.

What doesn’t show up on the map of possibilities is you waking up and deciding to sprout wings from your back. This is a physical impossibility. These lines are invisible for your life, in this world, at this present time. Perhaps one day X-men will be real, and that is why the lines, although completely invisible, still exist. But not right now. Not where we are concerned.

Every possible choice you make CAN be predicted and plotted. Looking down on this map, you’ve got a God’s eye view to your entire life. You can see EVERY path remotely possible. If this map were accurate, it would be three-dimensionally interconnected with the hundreds and thousands of people you interact with, because they too influence and affect your decisions. However, for the sake of illustration, we’re going to keep it simple.

Many of your decisions gravitate towards these gigantic dots. It could be a major decision or event in your life that changes your course— a university, a marriage, a death, a child – things that you were meant to go through and experience, the challenge in the video game everyone has to pass to get to the next level. The game programmers know in advance what’s behind that door even when you have no clue. The map, too, also knows. It can trace every conceivable possibility.

The video game has long since been spelled out and programmed and shipped and packaged. But when it’s released and you’re going through the levels for the first time, you still are holding the controller. You still are choosing what kind of game you’re playing. Will you be playing it aggressively, scoring as many points as you can? Will you play it safe, using your energy solely to avoid being killed?

It’s a different game for every individual who plays it. You choose to go left left right left. You choose to shoot them up. But the game programmers already knew where you’re going and what tools you’ve got to get there. They designed your environment.

In this map, there is a thin, highlighted line that is your path and yours alone. Everyone is born in the same environment – an earthly existence. There are physical laws that are preprogrammed into this world that no one can simply “jump out” of, like the laws of physics. There’s also death, there’s pain, there’s living, there’s laughter, and the vast majority of lives experience all of these in their own dot matrix. These are givens, these are natural experiences shared by mankind. THAT’S what’s on everyone’s map. That’s what the programmers predetermined in their game of life.

But only one thread is YOURS, and you are choosing what shape it’s going to take. Will it hit a big dot and dramatically turn to the left? Will all the small choices you take lead to a completely different area of the map? Are you fated to be drawn to one particular big dot, only to make a small decision that alters your direction entirely?

The choice is entirely up to you.

When I say..."I am a Christian" I'm not shouting "I am saved!" I'm whispering "I get lost!" That is why I chose this way. When I say... "I am a Christian" I don't speak of this with pride. I'm confessing that I stumble and need someone to be my guide. When I say..."I am a Christian" I'm not trying to be strong. I'm professing that I am weak and pray for strength to carry on. When I say..."I am a Christian" I'm not bragging of success. I'm admitting I have failed and cannot ever pay the debt. When I say..."I am a Christian" I'm not claiming to be perfect, my flaws are too visible but God believes I'm worth it. When I say..."I am a Christian" I still feel the sting of pain I have my share of heartaches which is why I seek His name. When I say..."I am a Christian" I do not wish to judge. I have no authority. I only know I am loved.

From holy memes and kosmic blog starters: It’s week 3 for the Friday Five! We give five questions, and Zaadzsters answer them in their blogs. Join in! Tag your blog with the words “friday five” and let the pod know you posted. And if you have an idea for next week’s Friday Five, send them to suzanne. Scatter the seeds!

1) In your view, what is the definition of God?
"God" god and not Christian God, Muslim God, New Age God? Well... I think the highest of highs is an energy, a lifeforce, The One That Has Been Divided Into Us, beyond male and female, beyond human formation. (so perhaps this is a new age god after all.) but i believe the God written about in the Bible was sort of like a sub-God, the one associated with Earth and her creation. He IS human formation, arms legs and whatnot. His female partner is Mother Earth. We were created in THEIR image both, as both divine and earthly creatures.

2) What’s the worst misconception people have about God?
I think the most damaging view you can have about God is the Authoritarian Punisher. God does no such thing. We do it.

3) How can we replace that misconception with truth?
Go out and tell the world! Post it on our blogs! Talk to those who do have that notion. Write books. Speak out!

4) How do you access God?
I use prayer, the Bible, my relationships with others to reflect my relationship with God. I read a hell of a lot of books with inspiring messages. And I log onto Zaadz.
As for accessing the full "God" god and not the God of the world, I don't think it's entirely possible, but an open mind full of possibility is the key to even seeing that huge. We can use God for gigantic perspective and general mind-blow-ness, but to me it's much more useful to access the God of the Earth, the one who created us humans and our world and these experiences, and focus and study and meditate and pray on Him than to try and read every web page on Google, so to speak.

5) If you could obtain any piece of information from God, what would it be?
Just one? Hmmm. This changes too often, but right now, I would like to know and fully understand intimately my partner's life and thoughts and ways. I can only go by what he tells me and shows me, but I want to fully see every millisecond of his life and witness each experience that has shaped him into what he is now. I want to be One with him, I want to find out exactly what makes him tick, I want to understand purely what he is about.

Some have asked me about my views on a "postmodern" christianity, if there is such a thing. Well, postmodern itself, as I have come to understand it, is a general rejection of certainty and/or Universal Truth, and instead embracing the multi-faceted viewpoints and faith systems that encompass the globe. Doesn't that seem to run counter to the rock-solid Universal Truth doctrines of Christianity?

Well, perhaps, perhaps not. But hang on. There's much more to the story.

Globalization has brought worldwide ideas that contradict and overlap each other. People start asking "what if everything I ever knew was wrong and this other idea was right?" The question then morphs into "What if EVERYTHING is right?"

This is the dillemma of the postmodern world. Many of us here on Zaadz hold to this view, which is fantastic because it helps people build better lives and increases cooperation, understanding, and lives of peace. But surprisingly, the most unlimited belief system has its limits. With so many options correct, how do you move forward? How do you justify studying only a few and not study them all? How do you try it out to see if it works for you, if it sometimes takes a lifetime to master a faith?

I too believed not too long ago that every single path was truth and all leaded to One God. This was before I even thought about becoming a Christian -- I mean, how can one man claim to have the ultimate truth over everyone elses? Why would anyone pick Jesus out of the multitude of master teachers and religious figures?

Even as a Christian now, I can still say there is validity and truth to a myriad of belief systems. And even Christianity doesn't encompass everything there can be known about God -- we need these different perspectives to help piece together a gigantic picture of what is essentially the most gigantic thing of all: God, who is much too big to fit into one religion.

So why am I a Christian?

Ironically, it's that very postmodern view of "all paths are valid" that led me to Christianity and allowed me to take that first step. I viewed different religions as different languages to communicate with God. And after learning a few languages (ofmormonism, of atheism, of new-age-ism), I still found myself, even during the agnostic and new age phases of my life, raising my eyes to the sky and crying out "Lord!"

I didn't know why I did this. If it was out of habit, I would be crying "Heavenly Father" as my Mormon upbringing told me to do. There must be something inside myself that needs this name to call on. What was it? A cultural meme I picked up on? This "Lord" fellow floating around in the sky?

In my postmodern way of thinking, I asked, "why this guy? because it was in my American culture? what if I was born in China and learned nothing but buddhism?"

But then I thought... well, why not?

I mean, what if He was a real deity? and what if i decided to make such good out of my life, using jesus's life as a pattern for my own? could I? it certainly would be a step forward than where i was at, stagnant and unsure how to move forward at all.

I am not the type of person who can learn 16 different foreign languages fluently. Why CAN'T I choose this guy to be my religious language? and besides, if i die and find that jesus wasn't a real guy, does it really matter? i mean, REALLY? will there be a god tearing me from limb to limb because i didn't believe in the "right" god?

the ultimate answer... no.

a loving god, the god I believe in, wouldn't do that to an open, honest, seeking human being who only does the best with what knowledge she's given.

that is a serious flaw in traditional christianity -- believing you'll be sent to hell because you didn't believe in the right god. and it's a flaw that's sought to be rectified by what's called "the emergent church." a postmodern answer to the typical christian church. 

But it's not postmodern in and of itself.

Because in order to pick up the faith of Christianity, you need to really, honestly believe that Truth is embodied by one man named Jesus, and that he is The Way, The Truth, and the Life, and no one can enter heaven except through him.

I had some troubles with this one. I really had struggles. But as I thought about it more, I imagined, in heaven, a bright light named Jesus, standing in between souls entering heaven and heaven itself. You can't miss him, he's too bright, too loving, too pure to leave any one of us alone. He may not introduce himself as such, because many souls out there are so disenfranchised with what wicked people have done to His name, and he would understand that heaven is not a place to feel uncomfortable. But he is there, he is shining with unparalleled love and light, undeniable to anyone who saught their eternal rest.

Thinking about the "The Way the Truth and the Life" more... I realized that I was disagreeing bit by bit with the whole concept of "every path is right." Not just because of the scripture, but just due to logic. No, you shouldn't believe that one tank of gas will drive you from California to New York. That path isn't right -- well, not at this present physical moment in time. You SHOULDN'T believe that you should kill and hurt and lie and steal your way to heaven. That isn't right. That can't be.

And for the first time in recent memory, I used the words "right" and "wrong" to describe a belief system.

I had read Conversations with God, and the key topic I remember was its care to use "That Which Serves You" and "That Which Doesn't Serve You" instead of wrong and right. Fear is the opposite of Love, it said, and Fear is an illusion.

Ultimately, I still believe this. In the existence of the Absolute, where God resides, this is true. But we're here on earth, hello. We are in the world of the Relative. And there's a very very good reason for that: WE NEED to discover and build upon ourselves the right and the wrong. Those words are tools, not enemies. Forward, backward, good, bad, righteousness and sin, we need these things to function. You can't just erase the bad and pretend you live in eternal happiness. You don't. There's pain here, the fear is real, there's bad stuff alongside the good. We need both positive AND negative energies to propel us forward. Harmony's nice and soft. But arguments and discordance are  an essential tool to GETTING anywhere!

I found in myself the need for something more solid than "everything is right," for myself. I wanted a design template. I wanted external guidance. Being my own god was really shitty. I coudn't decide on anything, there was too much weight on my shoulders, and matter-of-factly, I simply wasn't God! I could accept that I was a PIECE of god who can communicate with something greater than myself, but I'm not the All-Seeing All-Knowing God that new-age has taught me that I am. I don't know what's going on across the globe, I didn't design the sharks swimming in the sea, nor the food chain and complex ecosystem in which they live. I don't even know what's going on inside my body! Some have a theory that I may have done just that: my soul existed before the world was being created and I designed the sharks with God. I may even buy into this theory, but that doesn't change the fact that who I am now is simply not big enough to be God. I was not designed to be.

I needed right and wrong. I needed an external hand to hold, a name to call out, to thank, to pray to, to cry to. I don't know about other people's structures, but my own divine design was recognizing what I sorely lacked. The real God, not this self-centered version of a demigod I was worshipping all along -- me.

And my language already knew. My heart knew I could make this jesus path work. My soul pushed me forward on this path, finally, forward.

I was surfing the spiritual equivalent of 5,000 TV channels, and I was tired of it. I wanted to stick with one and watch it through. I wanted to reject the consumer mentality of "shopping" for a belief system, and I felt a call well up within me. I knew my religious language, I knew there was a solid ground available if I would but step out and let it catch me. I knew Jesus. I liked him, the real him. It was only a matter of time when I would confess that I loved him.

Now don't get me wrong -- if there's something beaming through on the Christian channel that I know is wrong, I will still switch channels. I am still deeply interested in the points of view shown on other channels, to better define what it is that makes up this idea of God worldwide. But I just do not have the mental capacity, or the interest, to watch 5,000 channels equally.

I'm not replacing the "consumer" mentality with a strict "use only this product as it is, now and forever" mentality. What I'm doing, instead of being an inactive channel-surfer, is I'm trying to break my way into television programming. And I want to fix the crap on the Christian channel that I know is wrong. The lack of femininity, the outright condemnation of other beliefs, the neglect of Mother Nature, the homosexual persecutions, the mistaken notion that Christian Equals Right-Wing Radical.

I can't make these kinds of overhauls without completely immersing myself with that very weighted label... "Christian."

I used to hate labels. I would associate the word "label" with "prejudice" and "bigotry." Now I take a much more open approach: like using love and fear as tools, I am using these labels as tools too.

Human brains can only allow so much information, and prejudice (pre-judging) is a natural byproduct. If I told you the world's top lawyer were to come into the room right now, you would not imagine a 3-month-old infant. This is a useful shortcut your brain makes and is a logical pre-judgment. However, if a black man came in the room and your brain expected a white man, that is not a useful shortcut, and it needs to be reprogrammed.

The black man is using that lawyer "label" to his advantage. He is now reprogramming what you thought about his race and identity. He is making a small change in the world, replacing a mistaken idea with a more open one.

This is what I want to do with the label Christian.

I hope, this is what I AM doing.

From holy memes and kosmic blog starters: It's week 2 for the Friday Five! We give five questions, and Zaadzsters answer them in their blogs. Join in! Tag your blog with the words "friday five" and let the pod know you posted. And if you have an idea for next week's Friday Five, send them to suzanne. Scatter the seeds!

Week 2: Teach!

1) Who's your favorite teacher, school or otherwise, and why?
Jesus, hands down. He used every stinkin' opportunity to teach. He took old religion and made it new again. He taught using stories. He taught by example.

He used the people's current culture and breathed fresh new life into it. No longer count your steps on the Sabbath or be bound by restrictive little doctrines. Just serve God.

He also didn't take no shit from anyone either. He led with the highest authority and showed the most amazing humility.

2) Who was your least favorite, and why?
There was this one tour guide I had while I was with a group touring Florence, Italy. He took us through the heart of the Uffizi and didn't make one mention on the significant paintings on display. He droned on about unimportant things. His voice was monotone and you could tell he hated what he did.

I wanted to learn! I wanted to find out about these great masterpieces. I even asked him to make a mention of, say, The Birth of Venus that's hanging on the wall right behind you. I could tell he knew SOMETHING, he just didn't care enough to say. He just dismissed my comments as if to say "oh, you ignorant American kid."

3) What are the differences between bad and good teachers?

A bad teacher is a hypocrite. They may say all the right things but their actions don't follow up their words. They may know the stuff, but they don't KNOW it in their own lives.

A good teacher knows their students and recognizes them as they are, where they are. Then they push them to be much more than what they are.

Good teachers also have discipline and direction -- none of this "learn if you feel like it" crap. That's too easy. Bad teachers either don't push at all, or push way too hard. Good ones know how to do it correctly.

Also, good teachers know how to be a teacher and a student at the same time, without yielding authority.

4) How can YOU become a great teacher? (And if you're already great, how can you become even better?)
I could stop leaning on the crutch of the internet to be my megaphone. My life I feel is a good example, but people don't quite get that because I sit at a desk all day at work. My verbal words, then, are the next step up, and I think that I have an opportunity to turn every moment into a teaching and learning moment.

I could be great if I followed Socrates' lead and took philosophy to the streets, doing it full-time, engaging in dialogue, playing the devil's advocate...

5) If you could teach any subject in the world to any one group in the world, what would you teach to whom? And how?
I would love to become a teacher teacher... I'd want to teach big huge courses on postmodern christianity. I would want to teach average, yet curious, Christians how to open their concepts of their own faith and explore them with big huge questions. I'd start with going through the Bible itself and explaining the folklore and some of its metaphors, what it means. (Of course, I'd have to study this in depth first!) Then I'd take it through the ages and how Christianity evolved, some for the best, some for the worse. Then I'd take it today and explore how it intermixes with other faiths with the coming of globalization, explaining what other religions believe as opposed to the Christian belief. Then I would delve deep into the issues and philosophies of today. So perhaps it would be a blend of Christian history, comparative religion, philosophy and theology.

Oh my god, I think I just wrote a lesson plan.

Oh my god, when can I start!?

From http://pods.zaadz.com/holy_memes:

Open up your favorite spiritual book. The old testament, new testament, upanishads, edgar cayce, The Berenstein Bears Go for a Walk, whatever.

Turn it to page 35. Skim through the page.

Is there a sentence or an idea that stands out to you? What is it? Why? What are your thoughts on it? Is there an image? How does it make you feel?

The book I grabbed was "Embraced by the Light" by Betty J. Eadie. On page 35 it describes her near-death experience, being outside of her body and realizing she had just died and left her children behind her.

"They were individual spirits, like myself, with an intelligence that was developed before their lives on earth. Each one had their own free will to live their life as they chose."

One of the concepts that was carried with me from Mormonism is the fact that our souls existed before our earthly birth, and they all have individual plans and missions to fulfill. But are we fated to fulfill these missions? Doesn't "free will" mean that there can be no such thing as a life mission?
 
The struggle between free will and fate can be summed up in one analogy in my mind: When you're playing a video game, the Programmer already has put every databit and possibility into place. But you're still controlling the game. You can turn left right right right left straight, and the Programmer will have it covered, He already programmed it. Each player will be playing a different game, but within the same program. Some win, some lose, but the thing is, The Programmer knows which shortcuts he put in there. He already made a plan for those who turn one way, to put them back on the track of heading towards the goal of the game.

In life, you can choose any which way, you can pretend that you completely, from your free will, chose Cheerios instead of Corn Flakes for breakfast. But the Programmer knew before you were born what circumstances you will be in, what house, and what cereals will be stocked in your cabinet tomorrow morning. Doesn't matter what you choose, all choices are pre-programmed and it's easy to map out and "predict." It's these maps that psychics read from.

God has every nook and cranny mapped out. Any possibility can be calculated and foreseen. Even though God can predict which paths we will choose, we still do have, simultaneously, a FREEDOM OF CHOICE to create our game, to score the points and boost our health levels, within the map He has set out for us called Physical Life. So who cares if God already knows our ending score? We don't, and we get to play the divine part of Creators as we construct how our game is going to be played! What fun! What joy! What a perfect way to become more like God as Creator!

from the holy memes and kosmic blog starters: It's the Friday Five! We give five questions, and Zaadzsters answer them in their blogs. Join up!

1) 10 years ago what did you think you would be doing now?
I thought I'd have at least a kid or two. Perhaps own a magazine. And a flying car. Thought I'd be done with college by now, but I have no value judgment on that, because I am going at my own pace and am loving it.

2) Where do you think you will be in 5 years from now?
I hope: married to my boyfriend, owning that magazine I dreamed of, finished with school and doing some family planning... My dreams and goals don't change a whole lot, and I know they're already waiting to be hatched into reality!

3) Do you live life one day at a time or look to the future?
I do plan for the future, I do like to have a sense of direction and some sort of timeline. I'd love to be more spontaneous and risky, but I do love my sense of security, witnessing my life being constructed and planned with care. It gives me joy!

4) Do you wish you could go back in time and undo something in your life?
Sometimes it gets tempting, to do just that. But I know every little bit has shaped me. Sounds like such a generic answer, but I truly have no regrets, and the horrible mistakes I made always cleared the path for a higher understanding I couldn't have obtained anywhere else.

5) If you could send a message back in time and give a younger version of yourself some advice, what would it be?
Perhaps "don't trust everyone." Hone your bullshit detector skills. Cynical, but vitally important to learn. Still, you gotta trust, but pick and choose those who are worthy of it.